Meditation and Me

Much like yoga, avocado toast and kombucha, meditation has gone from the fringe to mainstream, from the Himalayas to the cosmopolitan concrete jungles of the western world.  Diving deep into yoga at 20, I heard a lot about meditation but was content from the spiritual and physical release through somatic practice--yogic and otherwise--afforded me.  Through Alexander Technique, I was introduced to some wonderful mindfulness and Gurdieff teachers and eventually became initiated into Buddhist meditation by a teacher who was a direct assistant to Pema Chodron.  

Yet still I yearned: for something I could consistently practice and see results through.  I felt physically connected to the cosmic through all the somatic study, yet I still wrestled with fear, doubt and anxiety over how to most cultivate my gifts into a life of service, art and action.  I yearned for a deeper connection to “everything that is infinite, is wondrous is YES” in and beyond this world.  I tried to sit and listen to what the Universe might be whispering--but I heard nothing.  I’d dedicate whole Summers to the task of “getting in touch with what I should be doing”, how I should be focusing my life pursuits; but since mindfulness and Buddhist meditation focus on following the breath--I as a classical singer, who’d had a back operation and had a lot of psychological trauma and baggage associated with her breath--struggled to get beyond sitting in judgement of my breath, my intercostal expansion, whether I was thinking or merely following my breathing…

Frustrated, I realized I had no real technique.  Following the breath might work for those with less general awareness around their breath, but for me, it only stirred my mind, rather than settled it.  There had to be another means whereby to go beyond thought, beyond the confines of the ever familiar known.

Synchronously, a yoga teacher I much admired exhorted her students to go hear an introductory talk from her meditation teacher--someone she claimed got her to regularly meditate after decades of struggling to carve out a consistent practice.  She promised that this man could get anyone to meditate.  When the student is ready, the teacher appears: so off I went to Thom Knoles known formally as Maharishi Vyasananda Sawaswati--longtime student of and assistant to Maharishi Mahesh Yogi for over 25 years, the founder of Transcendental Meditation.  I was initiated, began regular practice and soon noticed improvement in my sleep--deeper rest, more vivid dreams (a sign of stress release), less insomnia.  I felt a broader sense of peace and patience amidst cacophonous NYC life.  I wanted to dive deeper, but somehow felt unworthy--like I hadn’t practiced long enough--which was a silly, self-imposed idea I told myself--assuming advanced knowledge was for long-time meditators.  

Eventually, I made my way to a long weekend retreat, then a private with Thom and eventually to 10 days in India soaking in Vedic knowledge while practicing up to 9 hours of daily meditation.  I never felt such bliss before as I did in those 10 days.  Ever my own fiercest critic, brutalizing harsh on myself and so perfectionistic I didn’t even feel worthy of calling myself such, I came to see all that I was missing in life--namely: joy.  In those 10 days, I remembered--rather than learned--that bliss and joy are my birthright--one I had just forgotten, and eschewed as I pursued accomplishment, education and artistic output.   As I floated with ebullient joy I finally understand--viscerally--what unbounded bliss was, what it was to transcend the status quo and find that innate state of pure existence that is “human merely being”.  

Once one traverses the yellow brick road to Oz, Kansas is never quite the same.  I returned to NYC determined to make the baseline bliss the new status quo.  I resolved to train in 2020 as a teacher, something suggested to me by Thom before but only became my own desire after the retreat.  In May 2020, as Covid-19 took the world by storm, I completed the 3-month intensive in the Himalayas emerging as a teacher of Vedic meditation. My graduation included a blessing from Shri Shri 1008 Mahamandaleshwar Swami Kailashanand Brahamchari: the Supreme Authority of Vedic Knowledge in India.

Based in NYC, I teach regularly in Philadelphia and the New Hope area of Bucks County, PA.  A troubadour at heart, I travel to offer private courses wherever nature organizes interest.